in my own little corner.

June 16th, 2007

02:52 pm - here is an update.

it is sunny and warm, and has been for the past week. i am loving it, however, my skin still burns even though it's still tanned from Africa.

i crashed my girlfriend's car last week - it really sucked, but it's all fixed up now and things are fine.

i have never been so much in love. i have the most beautiful, most understanding girlfriend i could ever hope for, and i'm deliriously happy.

i'm working at tim horton's because i am shit broke. it's not that bad - the people i'm working with seem fun enough.

i'm soon starting work at this French summer camp for kids at MUN, and i get to do a week-long French music camp the week of my birthday (late July). I'm really excited about that, and the job in general - which pays $15 an hour! french immersion has its benefits, kids.
i am so glad i decided to come home from toronto. this summer is going to be wonderful.

Current Mood:

happy
Current Music: reel big fish

June 8th, 2007

04:12 pm
sometimes it feels like i'm walking on eggshells
then i let my eyelids fall
and i'm walking on barbed wire
edges digging into my flesh
a tightrope of barbed wire
and i'm balancing precariously
trying to watch my footing
hopefully i'll get to the other side
to you
without falling
too far
because i'm too high up to know
if the safety net will catch me.

March 27th, 2007

11:50 pm
dear friends,

i am back from burkina faso. it was the best thing i've ever done. i miss it a lot.

right now, i am relaxing and having fun: lots of relaxing, smoking, having coffee, cooking, getting deliciously stoned, reading and researching.

in other news, i'm moving to toronto in 2 weeks, for a job until the end of august. i'm really excited about it. having a great queer community will be nice and refreshing. lesbians are an endangered species in newfoundland, and i'm tired of it.

i had coffee with a gorgeous dyke tonight. i didn't think it went very well, but she said later that i 'was comfortable to be around'...interesting. i'm moving to toronto, but it doesn't mean we couldn't hang out again...we'll see.
Current Location: st. john's
Current Mood:

annoyed
Current Music: ani d.

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December 3rd, 2006

11:54 am - this is it
This is goodbye for a little while, friends. I'm leaving Cowansville today, and heading off to Burkina Faso in 2 days; this is my last day with a computer until I get back to Canada in March. Wow!
I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, but I know that I'm very excited. It's going to be like a completely different life!
So, until then, I want you all to take care of yourselves. Have a wonderful holiday, however you choose to celebrate it.
I'll miss talking with you all.
Love Katie xoxo
Current Location: Cowansville, QC
Current Mood:

excited

December 1st, 2006

11:46 am - I'm not sorry.
You know what?
I'm not sorry.

I'm not sorry I fell so hard for you. I'm not sorry I clung to you. I'm not sorry I went a little crazy. That is part of who I am, and if you couldn't look past that, then that's your own damn fault. I'm more than that. I'm more than the weak, unstable, love-crazed girl I became; circumstance made me that way. And you saw me before; you knew what was happening, and you knew who I really was. You just didn't want to put in the effort.

You're no better than I am. You're no smarter. I hate that I couldn't be quite myself around you. I never was completely myself, I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. And that's why we couldn't work. I never was completely myself around you, and you made me feel like I couldn't be.

Sure, I'm still a little angry. Sure, I'm still hurt. And sure, I still love you a little.
But I don't owe you anything. I don't owe you any apology, I don't owe you a thank you. I've thanked you enough already.
I want you to be happy, because I know we couldn't be happy together. I try not to be jealous of him, because at least I had you once.
I'm pretty happy too. I want to find someone I can be myself around, but until then, I'm happy with the way things are.

In retrospect, maybe I should thank you. But I'm not apologizing.
Because I'm not sorry.
Current Location: quebec.
Current Mood:

pensive
Current Music: sarah slean

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October 8th, 2006

06:44 pm - a change will do you good.
I'm packing up my life in a week.
I quit school and my job.
I'm moving out of my apartment.
I'm leaving for 7 months on Friday.
From a small town in Quebec to a country in northwestern Africa.
It's gonna be an adventure.
I'm not ready
but
I'm so ready.

October 7th, 2006

04:10 am - the times they are a-changin'
Holy change.

This was me in April or May.

This was me with dreads, over the summer.

And this is me now. I 'm going to MUN, living with great people, and finished with the dread phase.

But now....I got a call from Canada World Youth. Next Friday, I am going to Cowansville, QC, volunteering until mid-December. Mid-December, we go to Burkina Faso, and volunteer until mid-March. I have to quit school, quit my job, sort out my rent, store my stuff...but I'm going to Africa! Isn't it weird how things turn out....?
Current Location: the house I am housesitting
Current Mood:

ecstatic
Current Music: Be Good Tanyas

October 1st, 2006

07:50 pm - new haaaaaaair
I did it.
I cut off all my hair, bleached it and dyed it.

HOLY FUCK!!!

I'm pleased.

( Read more... )
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: aniani

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02:12 pm - an event and a few notes
I am cutting off all my hair. I got really high so I would be able to complete this haircut.

When I called my mom to tell her, she said, "Do you try to drive me insane?!" and in response to "who is cutting your hair?" I said, "Myself", and she said, "Oh, fuck you!" and hung up the phone.

I am getting a veggie burger from Burger King (Heather said a real hamburger would make me sick). I love french fries.

Sarah Harmer made me cry twice during her show last night. She made me want to make music again.

Our phone is ringing. I don't want to answer it, but the ringtone is such a hurried, rushed one that it makes me anxious listening to it.

I might move to Montreal in February. Or go work in South Africa. Or stay here and go to school.

Something funny:
I was sliding down my stairs on my bum, and eventually, in a laundry basket. I slid down the stairs in the laundry basket and cracked my head against the wall. I had a headache for 14 hours yesterday, and my head hurts if I shake it.
Current Location: my bedroom
Current Mood:

high
Current Music: ani

10:29 am
I was going to chalk yesterday up to a bad day, considering how I was feeling. But in the end, it didn't turn out so bad at all.

I went and saw Sarah Harmer last night, and it was absolutely fucking incredible. They closed with this song called "How Deep in the Valley", where Sarah unplugged her guitar, and her 4 band members stood around her and did these awesome harmonies.

Then Krista and Rhyder coaxed me out, so we went to Roxxy's/CB's/the deck. People kept giving me free pot, it was pretty nice. I enjoyed some music, and then we went home.

I should stop smoking in my bed. I just dropped my cigarette into a glass of water. Serves me right, I guess.

I ate almost an entire jumbo pizza yesterday...it's all I ate. Yuck.

I'm too lazy to buy groceries.

I'm thinking about cutting off my dreads. I haven't had them for very long, but it seems like a different phase of life or something, and I feel it's time to cut them. My mom will cry if I get a short dyke-like haircut, but I'm really thinking about it. Black hair with purple.

My roommate's angry because Chad and I are too lazy to do dishes. Shit.

I might stop posting on this thing for awhile. I don't know if I like my thoughts being put up to be commented on.
Current Mood:

lazy

September 30th, 2006

01:35 pm - movies make me think sometimes.
I want to live in a world where whom one chooses to love is okay.
I want to live in a world where my parents don't hate me because of who I love.
I want to live in a world where no one calls me names.
I want to live in a world where my sexuality isn't idealized, or frowned upon, or made fun of, or questioned, or anything other than accepted.

But most of all, I want to live in a world where I truly love you and you truly love me, and for it all to be okay.

I want to run away and forget about everything.
Current Mood: sad, angry, disillusioned.
Current Music: 32 flavors

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September 28th, 2006

12:07 am - Je suis la gardienne du sommeil de ses nuits, je l'aime a mourir.
I smoked a cigarette in my room. Now my room smells like cigarettes. Well, cigarettes and pot. Before, it just smelled like pot. And incense. Did I mention this is a non-smoking house? Fail.

I just watched the movie Lost and Delirious. It was incredibly beautiful, bizarre and sad. It made me think. I think that when you really love someone, they hold a piece of your heart forever. Not necessarily romantic love, but it evolves into a strong love plan and simple. I think it's a beautiful concept.

I had a good day today, filled with friends.

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September 26th, 2006

03:24 am - light is a sleazy stranger and this is his favourite bar.
I had an absolutely fabulous Sunday night with great friends. Smoking on rooftops, drinking cofee with friends, listening to music and talking.

"I Want You (She's So Heavy)" makes me want to fuck someone.

I have class tomorrow. I may not go until later.

Peoples' core never changes. The way they make choices, their habits, the core of them, it always stays the same.
Current Mood:

high

September 21st, 2006

10:23 pm - In my mouth the taste of smoke and on my mind is you
I decided I would not post this on BK, because I have friends that would be angry. What the hell should I be concerned about what they think? Fuck it.

I am so, so fucked right now. I just spent $40 on pot, and now I will have no money for lunch. I will have to be innovative, I guess. Oh well, the next class I have is Friday. That's only one lunch. My mom buys me groceries on Friday. Oh, the life of a student.

Victoria came over, and I got her high proper! And Toni the eternal pothead came over too. Then Chad came and we had snacks, and watched ridiculous TV. Ever seen Distractions? An incredible show.

Now I'm alone and talking to Heather and I'm good, stoned as a brick wall. There's incredible shows and soda pop and RIAC in the morning.

I feel I have made my days worthwhile the past couple of days. I feel good about it.
I now only need to feel better about one big thing, and a couple of little things. My muscles are permanently tense. I could use a wonderful massage.

Physical contact, please. Mmm.
Current Mood:

tired
Current Music: tegan and sara

September 19th, 2006

07:08 pm - Things to note.
I want a nap.
We now have Internet! Yay! I don't have to sit out on the roof now.
Pot makes me sleepy.
Don't try and make tomato sauce when you're stoned.
I spend a lot of time with my cat.
I'm generally bored - I need to find a job or something.
I'm finishing this semester and then I'm running away to Montreal.
I want chocolate.

September 15th, 2006

09:08 pm
I smoke too much. Smoke too many cigarettes, smoke too much pot. I feel like I've grown up a lot, in a weird sort of way. It didn't happen like older teenagers buying booze for 14-year-old kinda use, it happened in a very gradual fashion. But now, I smoke every day, without fail, I smoke something.

I'd love to go for a walk in Central Park right now. I'd like to run into a friendly old man with a beige trench coat and a beagle, wearing a plaid scarf. That sounds kinda creepy. Okay, I'd like to walk with some music, a classic book, an umbrella, a smoke and a coffee. Sultry music. Ella Fitzgerald, Nina Simone. Sit and watch the ducks. Shit. They totally don't have ducks in NYC. They have pseudo-duck-tourists coming from the Statue of Liberty.
I was supposed to go see Ani DiFranco in NYC in November. I have a one-way ticket to anywhere. Maybe I should just take it, take my shit and run away, find me a job and live a completely different fucking life. Wouldn't that be bizarre? I'd need a fucking psychiatrist with me, though. I could never get through that transition, such a huge change, by myself. I'd go completely insane. But they would just stay until I was okay, and then never see them again. They couldn't be part of my old life or my new life, they would be a part of that change period, that unique condition in time. Maybe I'll run away after Christmas.

Oh man, Christmas is gonna be fucking weird. You know, will I sleep over to my mom'a Xmas Eve, and wake up and open presents? Will I go over some night and put up the Xmas tree? What if they put it in the wrong place? Will Dad pick Kirk up first, and then pick me up at my own house? Will we go to Sam's mom's house for Xmas dinner? Will I stay at my mom's over Christmas? Would I survive? Would there be a big family meltdown in the middle of dinner because Katie never brings home boyfriends over Xmas, to family parties and such. All her cousins did that, sure! Weird. Why does it have to be an issue? Fuck, who I like to fuck creeps into every aspect of my life, and I don't like it.

Never write when you're stoned. Congratulations, you have gained honest wisdom from a woman who knows better. But does it anyway. Mrf.

September 13th, 2006

11:11 am - house, sunshine, groceries and other stuff
I really like LiveJournal. Why don't I use it more? I should maybe stop posting on BK so much. I guess I don't have many friends on here, so it's kinda lonely.

I lovelove my new house. I love being able to sit on my roof and think and smoke and look at stars and people and cats. Our house is now complete, with the arrival of Chad two days ago. We went maaad grocery shopping today. Our house is filled with fruits and veggies and goodies. Mm. I'm starting to feel like I belong here, belong somewhere for the first time in months and months. It's an incredibly comforting feeling.

It's sunny out today, but kind of cold. Maybe because I'm on my roof (though I am wearing a sweater and wool socks). Mmmm...I feel so good here. I can actually relax in my room. I haven't been able to properly relax since...well, ever. I'm learning. I think I'm going to start doing the yoga class at the Works. Also, MUN is offering a self-defense course in a couple weeks that I'm hoppin' on (only 20 bucks!). I think a self-defense class would make me feel very empowered, and I could use some empowering.

I could also use some coffee, some more cigarettes, and some cuddles.

Today is a pretty day.

July 16th, 2006

04:30 am
Oh darling
Please believe me
I'll never do you no harm
Believe me when I tell you
I'll never do you no harm.

I had hoped this night would be easier than the last. It's always hoping against hope it seems...whatever that means. I tried, I really did. I even thought about wearing a dress, maybe it would give me that extra kick I needed to have a crazy-fun night. I settled instead for a head scarf and bright cherry lip gloss. I settled for a mediocre night...how could it be any other way? Kaya and I were supposed to have a sleepover last night, instead I collapsed finally into bed, and woke up crying from the dreams I'd had. You don't have to join my pity party, I promise. It's just all Katie-inner-dialogue, anyway.

I tried feeling pretty tonight, but it didn't quite work. I tried dancing like a madwoman, and it made things crazy for 5-second periods. I tried drinking tequila, which made things silly. Now I'm trying sleep, at my mom's house, where nothing can touch me, except for the people and emotions inside. But it's a familiar bed.

Holy cigarettes, Batman. At least I've learned how to smoke pot now...which WAS the original plan.

I think it's time. I think it's time for me to go to sleep. Also time for me to thank all those incredible people that I've somehow managed to surround myself with, through some insane stroke of luck. If I can ever do anything comparable to how you've helped me, I'll be there in a heartbeat.

Tomorrow's another day, folks.

The sun's tossing and turning in its bed. Maybe it's time for me to go to bed, too.

June 17th, 2006

03:33 pm

Hello

My name is

Katie

I am

active, activist, admirer, adorant, ally, amorous, androgyne, artsy, ask me, assertive, babe, beautiful, bicurious, bisensual, blessed, bouncy, bubbly, butch-ish, butch-liking, caring, cat lover, chapstick lesbian, chick, child, complex, confidant, confused, counselor, creative, creature, cuddly, cunt, curious, cute, different, dork, dreamer, dudette, dyke, eclectic, etc., everything, extrovert, fabulous, family, female, female-identified, feminist, femme-fucking, femme-ish, femme-liking, flirty, free, friend, friendly, full of love, gay-friendly, gender blender, genderful, genetic girl, genetic woman, gentlewoman, girl, girly, goddess, grrl, grrlydyke, happy, hippychick, homoerotic, huggly, huggy, human, indecisive, individual, interested, kid, LGBTQ, lady, lesbian-identified, lovely, lover, loving, me, minx, miss, misses, ms., multifacetted, myself, obsessed, odd, open, out, outgoing, outspoken, passionate, peopleemotional, person, philosopher, polysnuggler, privileged, pro-sex feminist, queer, queer dyke, queer-friendly, questioning, quirky, radical, random, romantic, same gender loving, sassy, self-defined, sensitive, sex positive, sexy, simplex, sister, snuggly, sparkly, spiritual, strange, sweet, switch, trans-friendly, trustworthy, undefined, understanding, unique, versatile, weird, whole-brained, woman, working class

Who are you?